So husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. - Ephesians 5:28
*Continued on from "My Personal Encounters with Muslims and their Treatment of Women - Part I"
Do I believe that all Muslims are evil, NO. Do I believe that all Muslims wish to kill us, NO. Do I believe that the ‘religion of peace’ is detrimental to women, YES I do! What I know is that WE must stand firm in what WE believe, in our Judeo-Christian values, in our own culture, in our own American dream. By being tolerant we give the impression that we can be subdued. By being ignorant of their ‘religion of peace’ we can be manipulated. By being tolerant and ignorant, we can be conquered!
Please note: The video below is, for your enjoyment and from a different unrelated source.
PART II - THE WEDDING
My earliest encounter with Muslim customs was a wedding in early 1988. Hotels keep an active list of photographers they recommend to their clients using their party rooms. The hotel agent called me and asked if I was available on this particular date. I said yes and the next day a man came to my studio and paid for the entire wedding including the rehearsal dinner. He gave me the dates, times and the address of the house as he wanted photographs of the bride and groom at home. It is customary to have photographs taken at the home of the bride so I assumed he was the father of the bride. It was unusual that the father came alone to my studio to discuss the photography for the wedding without a female, neither the bride nor the bride’s mother.
The rehearsal dinner was held at the hotel with approximately 80 guests plus children. I did not expect to see what was before me; the guests were divided into two rooms, one room for the men and one room for the women and children. The bride was sitting on an elevated platform while older women tattooed her hands and feet with henna which wears off in a few days. It seemed that the bride was never made readily available to me as women were always surrounding her. So I never did have time to speak to her directly other than to photograph the tattoos she was acquiring. During this time the men entered into the women’s side. The groom also received his share of tattoos on his hands from his male friends.
This is when I first heard the sounds women make with their tongue to celebrate a festive occasion, called ululation. The women seemed to be enjoying this ritual while I found the entire event fascinating and the sounds a bit unnerving.
When it was time for dinner, the women and the men sat in their respective rooms. I sat quietly next to my ‘male’ assistant that I had asked to accompany me. It was the most uncomfortable feeling dinning with about 40 men while the women, children and the bride enjoyed their meal in the adjacent room. A spokesman for the party let me know that I was allowed to sit with them because I was an American and a business woman. Thinking back maybe I should have feared for my life. I still did not equate this situation to their ‘religion of peace’. They all seemed content with the arrangements.
The next day I arrived at the bride’s house in order to photograph the ‘before photos’. I was shown to where the bride was dressing. She was young, attractive and quiet. Tears were flowing from her eyes as I glanced at her. These were not tears of joy. When her future sisters-in-law left her alone with me for a few moments, she told me ‘my future sisters-in-law are so mean to me, they are telling me what to do all the time’. I asked her where she was from and she told me she was from Portugal. She then told me that this was an arranged marriage and had not met the groom before her wedding. I was taken aback for a few moments but immediately regained my composure when her sisters-in-law returned to the room. An arranged marriage, I had never met anyone in an ‘arranged marriage’. This thought whirled inside my brain. She also told me that she had wanted an American wedding because she had long dreamed of an American wedding dress and an American wedding cake. It became clear to me that I was purposely being diverted from speaking to her. I took a few customary photographs and hurried to photograph the groom. He was nowhere to be found. Oh, oh I thought! It was not long before he was found working on his car, covered in oil and not dressed. He was told to prepare for his wedding. Imagine that! He finally emerged dressed in his wedding tuxedo and was whisked away with the bride to the car for the hotel. I ran to take some photographs of them leaving the house. Her ‘father’ requested these photographs. I continued to believe that the man that came to my studio was her father.
Arriving at the hotel everything was ready and waiting for the couple. A large wedding canopy had been erected so that the bride and groom, members of the family and guests could all be introduced to the entire wedding audience. This took some time as I photographed all of those passing through the canopy. I can only equate the wedding ceremony to a civil ceremony. The bride looked beautiful in her American wedding dress. Some guests were wearing the customary festive garb from their country. The dancing began and the music was lively and entertaining. The men danced by themselves. The women also danced by themselves enjoying the liveliness of the wedding. Finally the bride came out and danced directly in front of her husband while all the guests sat, also enjoying the ‘wedding dance’, similar to a belly dance but in a wedding gown. She later told me that this was customary to please him on their wedding night. The peculiar things I remember are that she refused to kiss the groom in public and would not even hold hands for the photographs. Liquor was not served at the reception but when it came time for the family photographs the men had to be retrieved from the hotel bar. The shocker came when it finally occurred to me that the man I thought was her father was her uncle. The bride and groom were first cousins.
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